I was bullied a lot through my school years. I recognize the cast of characters that live in the wake of a bully. You have the wannabe bullies who are emboldened by the stronger bully to let their own worst instincts rule (e.g., Vance and Noem). There are those who are not innately bullies, but use the cover of the bully to safely enact their own agenda (e.g., Kennedy and Patel). Others see the circle of the bully as a way to simply feel more important when they would otherwise go unnoticed (e.g., Gabbard). Finally, you have the yappy, snarly little ‘puppy’ that makes a lot of noise on the outskirts of the bully’s circle – noisy but weak (e.g., Miller). Every day of this administration conjures memories of my childhood bullies and their circles. However, once I identified the source of my angst it also served as a lesson for how to view this administration.

Lesson 1 – No One Will Save You

In the early years of being bullied, I tried to get help. My naive mind thought that adults were there to keep the order. On one memorable occasion, I was being pummeled by a group of girls on the last day of school. As our teacher walked by I asked her to make them stop. “Stop being such a baby! They’re just having fun!” was literally her reply. Knowing there is no ‘higher authority’ that will actually intervene to make things better can be crushing – but it can also push you to find your own answers.

The courts are doing a great job, within their authority, of reining in this administration’s worst actions. But courts are slow, they can only take so many cases, and the ultimate solution to this chaos lies within what “We the People” can do.

Lesson 2 – Avoidance and Appeasement Don’t Work

With no there to save me, I spent grade school trying to avoid the bullies. I spent many recess breaks hiding behind bushes and rocks in our schools arboretum. There were even times when I heard some of the bullies looking for me, as I huddled behind a bush under the bridge they were standing on. When I was successful, it certainly gave me a break from being teased and pummeled. But it did nothing to lessen my stress, and bullies don’t give up or forget. Avoidance and appeasement only read as weakness to them, so when they’d find me it did not go well.

We are seeing such examples now, as Columbia University and several law firms attempted to appease the administration. Columbia has not received the funding that they’d hoped their capitulation would release, and all of those who tried appeasement are finding that the demands keep escalating.

Lesson 3 – Fighting Back Works!

I learned this lesson in junior high school, quite by accident. I was a particular target for a new bully and his circle of ‘jackals’. On this particular day I was carrying my art projects to my last class of the day. The group cornered me and the bully began shoving me around while his jackals cheered him on. With my arms full and my art projects beginning to get knocked around, I did the only thing I could – I kicked out. It was rather a blind swing, with little hope to impact anything, but it just happened to land squarely in the family jewels! I watched the blood drain from his face as his jackals urged him to seek revenge. He stepped back, clearly struggling to hide the pain. As his pals chided him to “give it to” me, he gruffly said, “Don’t you know you can’t hit a girl?!” He abruptly turned and walked away. I looked warily at his circle, waiting to see who would take up his mantle, but none stepped forward. They looked at each other in bewilderment, glared at me in anger, then followed their leader. None of them would ever harass me again.

This one incident changed my entire approach to bullies. I began to stand up and feign my own toughness in the face of a bully, and they soon tired of targeting me. Soon I wasn’t feigning it – I was confident in my ability to face them down.

We are seeing instances where standing up to this administration works. China has been unwilling to yield to bullying through tariffs, and the president is already backing down (as of this writing he’s announced backing down from 145% to ‘only’ 80%, with zero negotiating). My favorite case, however, is Governor Janet Mills from Maine. She very publicly told the president that Maine would not cave on his trans athlete demands, said she would see him in court, and prevailed with a settlement that returned funding to Maine with no concessions from the state. Standing up works!

Lesson 4 – Find Strength in Allies and Humor

Bullies always have those followers I described above, so it stands to reason that finding your own allies is obviously helpful. Initially I found consolation in making friends with other targets of the school bullies. None of us were fighters, so this was not about forming our own army. Initially it was simply easier to lean on each other when the bullies showed up. Eventually, as it became clearer that bullies are mostly bluster hiding weakness, we actually learned that humor is a tool.

On one occasion, I was sitting with a small group of ‘nerdy’ friends waiting for English class to start when one of the school toughs came over to threaten me. He was giving me the “You better watch your step!” talk when he pulled out a switchblade and opened it just under my nose. By that time, the most natural reaction my friends and I had was to laugh out loud! I watched confusion register on the bully’s face. He eventually turned away in disgust and never bothered me again.

We are seeing people all across the country coming together and using their voices. Humor is evident in their expressions of anger at the administration, especially in the creative signs at every protest. I strongly believe in the power of humor to bolster courage in difficult times. The results of these group actions may not always be obvious, as we see the administration continue with its authoritarian playbook. However, there have been many reports of representatives and senators gaining concessions from DOGE and the administration based upon the loud voices of their constituents. Certainly nothing is to be gained by staying silent!

Once I realized why this administration was having such a visceral impact on me it became easier to view their actions and rhetoric through the lessons I’ve learned from the bullies in my life. It is not that I am now immune to the horrors of their actions – but I can view them much more through a lens of how I can take action.

There is no doubt that bullies can do damage. As I write this the administration is openly discussing taking away constitutionally guaranteed rights. The mayor of Newark has been arrested in what seems an act meant to chill dissent. It may just be coincidence that the orders for his arrest were made by phone on the same day that Secretary Noem was raked over the coals by House Democrats for her department’s overreaches – but it is just as likely that it was meant to be a show of strength. The trouble is, bullies never show real strength. People in a position of strength do not need to continually remind you that they are strong.

Here in the US we are facing a frightening future. It would be easy to keep our heads down and hope that the bully doesn’t look toward us, but experience (and history) tell us this will not work. Nothing that I have said here is new, but I believe that these things will need to be repeated often by as many voices as possible. Courage is absolutely contagious.

The bullies will sometimes win. Standing up to them can still get you punched. But even being able to take that punch without backing down will throw them off balance. Bullies only win if you back down and capitulate. So, take courage, stay strong, and settle in for the long fight. This administration has the power granted by law, but it is made up of people more concerned over their appearance than actually doing their jobs. We the people are stronger than these bullies!