Family ties come not just from birth, but from 18 or more years of bickering, caring, watching as each sibling moves toward maturity and breaks off from the family to start their own lives. The bond remains, even if hampered by distance and different life styles or interests. I was what used to be known as the middle of the sandwich (the best part, according to the long forgotten writer who first posited that premise), with an older (by three years) brother on one side, and a younger (by nine years) brother on the other. Our father was strictly Republican and raised us as such. We were young, party affiliation was like church: Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic…who knew unless told, and what did it matter? Attending an ” I Like Ike” campaign event as a teenager seemed to validate my families choice, as I was totally impressed by General Eisenhower and his ideas for our country.

Years role by, life hits one in the face, and often ideas change. Pictures have haunted me. Ladies bleeding out on cement floors from a botched abortion, citizens of our country behind barbed wire because of their ethnicity, people who’s lives collapsed because they attended a meeting about communism, and so many more encroachments on individual liberties and well being. Along the way I realized that helping people should be the purpose and result of governing, and so I abandoned my Republican roots.

For the last few years I have heard…read..watched as families have split apart simply over party affiliation. I was comfortable with the thought that my brothers would always be there, even living two states away. There was reason for that feeling. One Christmas when we were together my big brother started talking politics, even admitting to following Rush Limbaugh. Living in Rush country we were well aware of the man, his early promise, and his descent into the world of conspiracy theories and hatred /distrust of government. My brother wanted to discuss the validity of Limbaugh’s rants, while allowing he might be a bit more hyperbolic than necessary. I quietly interjected that we were never going to agree on politics, so it would be best not to discuss it during our holiday gatherings. He graciously accepted my request, and we always had other things to discuss, and board games to play during the limited visits we enjoyed together over the years. Our bond was loosened through distance and time, but always there.

My little brother was always a kind, compassionate figure in the background of my life. His wife had been listed as one of my friends on Facebook for a few years, then came Trump. Suddenly she was sharing posts promulgating the wildest conspiracy theories which I could not in all conscience let go unquestioned. Without using my sister-in-laws name, or addressing her at all, I would gently suggest all viewers should fact check the article and sometimes put in a link to a fact checker. Ultimately she blocked and unfriended me. I understood and accepted the blockage, but continued to acknowledge holidays and birthdays through my brothers phone. I sent him pictures of my dogs and an antique chest we had purchased. Small things a few times a year, how are you doing in the pandemic, etc. He always responded and the years went by. Last summer we lost my big brother and I texted little brother that we were what was left of our immediate family, and sent my love. To my shock his acknowledgement of my message was a mandate that we should no longer communicate! (The use of language in his statement was so uncharacteristic of him that it makes me wonder if there is some direction on right wing media on how to ‘divorce’ one’s family.) Apparently he has “fond memories” but we have such different “world views” it becomes “awkward” communicating. Awkward reading simple “how are you’s” and replying doing fine? What can one say from a distance? I simply iterated my love for him and agreed to comply with his request. How sad, seeing his birthday go by without sending wishes. Going into the holidays unable to send a simple Christmas card, or text/phone a happy new year.

There are news people, pundits, politicians and many others who we have heard are alienated from their families and friends by this ridiculous division fueled by hate and ideology. I now understand their pain, frustration and bewilderment, to a far greater extent than prior to experiencing it personally.

Last December I rebelled and sent a text to my brother stating that in the spirit of Christmas I could not let it go by without wishing him and his wife happy, and would indeed break my promise for that kind of special occasion. Happily he replied, returning the sentiment. Yesterday was his birthday, and I again broke my promise and texted a simple Happy Birthday. He has not yet replied, but I live in hope while dealing with a hopeless situation. I love my little brother, and despair leaving this earth without a virtual hug and moment of accepting our differences. However, at 86 there are not that many years left, and the cult is all powerful. I, too, have the memories he mentioned in his mandate, which bolster my love and caring regardless of differing “world views”.

Just to be clear, my “world view” is simply be kind, be helpful, be truthful, and, though I am not a practicing Christian, follow the teachings of Christ. At the very least he was a wonderful teacher bringing the masses peace, empathy, understanding and healing. I am sad watching the world fall apart, mother earth deteriorating and my country among the many now trying to survive the onslaught of authoritarianism, during my waning years. I wish peace and love to all the young people inheriting our mistakes, please learn from them,” live long and prosper.”